


Texts from Mahal

by Lasgalendil



Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Dwarf/Elf Relationship(s), Fluff and Crack, Happy Ending, Humor, M/M, One True Pairing, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 04:21:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2837780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lasgalendil/pseuds/Lasgalendil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein the fate of our two favorite lovers is decided on in text-based format. Mahal just wants to have a good time, Mandos is as verbose as ever, and Manwë's non-interventionalist tactics are (finally) called into question.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**To: Manwë, Mandos**

**From: Aulë**

 

 Guys, guys, get this: I have a Dwarf here who thinks he’s in the wrong place. LMFAOROTF.

 Can U believe the nerve?

 

OMG. This Dwarf will not STFU.

 

Talk about ungrateful. SRSLY.

 

I’m only like, UR MAKER. SRSLY, dude. STFU.

 

Dude, this is worse than THORIN FUCKING OAKENSHIELD.

Blah, blah, Erebor, blah, blah, rightful king, blah, blah

Like, U think UR Durin or something?

Blah, blah, blah, Fellowship, blah, blah blah Galadriel…SRSLY. Dude thinks he can drop a couple names?

 

Blah, blah,“My One” “My Only”

What a bitch baby. SRSLY.

Now he’s reciting fucking poetry. DWARF POETRY.

My bad. DWARF LuuuV POETRY. LOLs.

Like, patience bro. wait UR turn like everyone else.

 

OMFG. Remember that time you let an Elf out because she was so fucking annoying?

 

SRSLY though. Is there some kind of protocol? JK.

No. SRSLY.

SO. DAMN. ANNOYING.

Wait UR turn, dude.

What a SAMF

SRSLY, UR 1 will die in like, soon. PATIENCE BUDDY!

#regretsmakingthemsodamnstubborn

#regretsmakingthemsodamnhorny

amirite?

 

 

…WHO THE FUCK IS LEGOLAS THRANDUILLION????!!!!????

* * *

 

**To: Aulë**

**From: Mandos**

About that.

Filing error.

* * *

 

**To: Mandos**

**From: Aulë**

What U mean, ‘filing error’?

Haha, shouldn’t that be a bit more serious?

…LOL?

OMFG bro answer your GD phone.

* * *

 

**To: Aulë**

**From: Mandos**

 

Error processed.

Sending your way now.

* * *

 

**To: Mandos**

**From: Aulë**

 

Haha, UR joking, right?

Joking?

PLZ tell me UR fucking joking.

…dude?

* * *

 

**To: Aulë**

**From: Eonwë**

Just a friendly reminder from Maiar Messaging and Delivery Service:

Congratulations! Mandos has sent you a package!

Your package will arrive shortly.

Tracking number: FA 120

* * *

**To: Mandos**

**From: Aulë**

 

Haha. Nice one.

LOL?

SRSLY, dude. PLZ tell me UR joking.

UR joking, right?

….

Fuck U.

* * *

 

**To: Aulë**

**From: Eonwë**

Just a friendly reminder from Maiar Messaging and Delivery Service:

Congratulations! Mandos has sent you a package.

Your package has arrived.

Instructions: You are now the proud owner of one new Legolas Thranduillion unit. Please handle with care.

* * *

**To: Mandos**

**From: Aulë**

 

U SENT ME A MOTHERFUCKING ELF? WHY WOULD U EVEN DO THAT?

THIS IS SO OUTSIDE MY JURISDICTION IT ISN’T FUNNY

DUDE

IT’S SINGING.

IT’S MOTHERFUCKING SINGING.

 

SO DONE WITH UR BULLSHIT, MANDOS.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**To: Mandos**

**From: Eonwë**

 

Just a friendly reminder from Maiar Messaging and Delivery Service:

Congratulations! Aulë has sent you a package.

Your package will arrive shortly.

Tracking number: FA 120

* * *

 

**To Aulë**

**From: Mandos**

 

Nice try.

* * *

 

**To Aulë:**

**From: Eonwë**

Just a friendly message from Maiar Messaging and Delivery Service:

We’re sorry, something went wrong! Delivery attempts 1-3,000,000,000 failed due to: unable to deliver package.

Your package has been returned.

Tracking number: FA 120

Instructions: You are now the proud owner of one new Legolas Thranduillion unit. Please handle with care.

* * *

 

**To: Mandos**

**From: Aulë**

 

SO DONE WITH UR BULLSHIT, MANDOS.


	3. Chapter 3

**To: Manwë**

**From: Aulë**

 

SRSLY bro, U gonna let this happen?

* * *

 

**To: Aulë**

**From: Manwë**

Thank you. Your message to Manwë_King_of_the_Gods has been received.

We appreciate your concerns and our office will be in contact with you shortly.

* * *

 

**To: Manwë**

**From: Aulë**

 

LOL. But really. What RU gonna do about it?

* * *

 

**To: Aulë**

**From: Manwë**

Thank you. Your message to Manwë_King_of_the_Gods has been received.

We appreciate your concerns and our office will be in contact with you shortly.

* * *

 

**To: Manwë**

**From: Aulë**

 

Dude, SRSLY?

It wasn’t even funny the first time.

* * *

**To: Aulë**

**From: Manwë**

Thank you. Your message to Manwë_King_of_the_Gods has been received.

We appreciate your concerns and our office will be in contact with you shortly.

* * *

**To: Manwë**

**From: Aulë**

 

…dude?

* * *

 

 

  **To: Aulë**

**From: Manwë**

Thank you. Your message to Manwë_King_of_the_Gods has been received.

We appreciate your concerns and our office will be in contact with you shortly.

* * *

 

**To: Manwë**

**From: Aulë**

OMFG will U 4 once get off UR lazy ass & ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING???!!!

* * *

 

**To: Aulë**

**From: Manwë**

Thank you. Your message to Manwë_King_of_the_Gods has been received.

We appreciate your concerns and our office will be in contact with you shortly.

* * *

**To: Manwë**

**From: Aulë**

 

 SO DONE WITH UR NONINTERVENTIONALIST BULLSHIT MANWE

 


	4. Chapter 4

**To: Mandos**

**From: Aulë**

 

FINE. HAVE IT UR WAY, ASSHOLE.

 

OMFG

IT’S SINGING

IT’S STILL SINGING

OMFG IT’S STILL FUCKING SINGING

 

NOW THERE R 2 OF THEM.

NOW THERE R FUCKING 2 OF THEM

I HOPE UR HAPPY, U SHIT

 

WTF!!!!!!!??????!!!!!!

OMFG MANDOS

OMFG

U WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT THIS ELF IS DOING.

OMFG THEY R STILL DOING IT

OMFG MANDOS OMFG

#myeyes

#gonnavom

#IthinkIjustthrewupinmymouthabit

#poorchoiceofwords

#therearen’twords

OMFG MANDOS

 

OMFG

 

SRSLY. UR GOING 2 PAY FOR THE CLEANING BILL.

OMFG MANDOS

OMFG

 

I CAN’T EVEN


	5. Chapter 5

**To: Vairë**

**From: Aulë**

OMFG

U would not believe this bullshit!!

SRSLY. 

OMFG VAIRE, THEY'RE STILL DOING IT!

* * *

**To: Aulë**

**From: Vairë**

???

* * *

 

 

**To: Vairë**

**From: Aulë**

 

Mandos hasn't told U?

* * *

**To: Aulë**

**From: Vairë**

 

Told me what?

* * *

 

 

**To: Vairë**

**From: Aulë**

 

WHOA

WAIT

U didn't know about this?

* * *

 

**To: Aulë**

**From: Vairë**

 

Know about what?

* * *

 

**To: Vairë**

**From: Aulë**

 

Forget it.

 

So hypothetically speaking, could I ship an Elf to you?

Processing error

LOL

U know how it goes

 

SRSLY. Just 1 Elf

C'mon, U know I can't deal with this over here

#dwarvesalltheway

Totes out of my jurisdiction, right?

 

...Vairë?

U there?

 

OMFG

U KNEW

U KNEW VAIRE

OMFG U KNEW AND U DIDN'T FUCKING WARN ME

 

* * *

 

**To: Aulë**

**From: Vairë**

 

Lol UR so fucked

Totes foreseen it

* * *

**To: Vairë**

**From: Aulë**

 

SO DONE WITH UR BULLSHIT VAIRE

 

 

 


End file.
